Why Beer is Better than a Woman

Written by Rolf

I don't like beer one bit, but still I can totally understand the original composer of this comparison between beer and women.

1. You can enjoy a beer all month.


2. Beer stains wash out.


3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.


4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.


5. When beer goes flat you just toss it out.



6. Beer is never late.


7. Hangovers go away.


8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.


9. Beer labels come off without a fight.


10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.


11. Beer never has a headache.


12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.


13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.


14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.


15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.


16. A beer always goes down easy.


17. You can share a beer with your friends.


18. You always know you are the first one to pop a beer.


19. A beer is always wet.


20. Beer doesn't demand equality.


21. A beer doesn't care when you come.


22. You can have a beer in public.


23. A frigid beer is a good one.


24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.


25. Beer always comes in multiples of six.


26. Beer doesn't mind being in the wet spot that it left.


27. You can't catch anything but a 'buzz' from a beer.


28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.


29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.


30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another.


31. You rarely find beer labels on the shower-curtain-rod.


32. Beer looks the same in the morning.


33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month.


34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.


35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.


36. Beer doesn't get cramps.


37. Beer doesn't have a mother.


38. Beer doesn't have morals.


39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.


40. Beer always listens and never argues.


41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year.


42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.


43. Beer doesn't have cold hands or feet.


44. Beer doesn't demand legality.


45. Beer is never overweight.


46. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.


47. Beer won't run of with your credit cards.


48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer.


49. Beer doesn't need much closet space.


50. Beer can't give you herpes or other nasty things.


51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.


52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.


53. Beer never changes its mind.


54. Beer doesn't tease you or plays hard to get.


55. Beer never asks you to change the station.


56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping.


57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.


58. Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.


59. Beer is always easy to pick up.


60. Big, fat beers are nice to have.



61. Beer doesn't pout or play games.


62. Beer never says no.


63. Beer is easy to get into.


64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.


65. Beer doesn't need to go to the powder room with other beers.


66. Beer doesn't wear a bra.


67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.


68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.


69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.


70. Beer doesn't live with its mother.


71. Beer doesn't blow you off.


72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.


73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.


74. Beer doesn't mind football season.


75. A beer won't make you go to church.


76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburator" than a woman.


77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.


78. A beer doesn't give a damn if you keep a bunch of other beers around.


79. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.


80. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say 'doberman' instead of 'doberperson'.


81. A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.


82. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.


83. If you mention a "three-hunderd-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.


84. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.


85. A beer won't smoke in your car.


86. A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.


87. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.


88. A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 2000 Olympic Games.


89. A beer is always ready to leave on time.


90. A beer never fishes for compliments.


91. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.


92. Beer tastes *good*.


93. If you take a beer out of the fridge just to look at it, but then
    decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of date-rape.


94. An icecold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.


95. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.


96. A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the good articles".


97. A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: "But I saved you a quarter!".


98. A beer will *never* make you go to a Swedisch movie.


99. A beer won't make you eat some expirimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.


100. When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn't make you ill.