Telemarketer Anti-Script

Written by Rolf

If you are the kind of person that does not appreciate being called by telemarketers and have some time to spare to try to annoy them, here is a script you can use on them as a sort of prank.

You can start asking your first question when the telemarketer is done with his/her.

1. Excuse me, who is this?
   [...] -> 2.

2. Can you spell that for me, please?
   [...] -> 3.

3. How did you get this number?
   [...] -> 4.

4. Oh I see. And do you do this work fulltime?
   [fulltime] -> 8.
   [parttime] -> 5.

5. So do you have another job?
   [I am housewife/man] -> 8.
   [I'm a student] -> 6.
   [I have another job] -> 7.

6. That's nice, what do you study?
   [...] -> 8.

7. Interesting, what do you do?
   [...] -> 8.

8. What a coincidence, so does my neighbour! Also here in (city)?
   [yes] -> 9.
   [no, in ...] -> 10.

9. Unbelievable!
   -> 11.

10. Ah, that is nice, too!
    ->11.

11. And how long have you been in this tele-business?
    [0-5 months] -> 12.
    [>5 months] -> 13.

12. That isn't very long yet.
    -> 14.

13. That's quite a while.
    -> 14.

14. And do you enjoy it?
    [no] -> 15.
    [yes] -> 16.
    [no clear opinion] -> 16.

15. So why do you do it?
    [...] -> 17.

16. I think I would really like it!
    -> 17.

17. So hmm how much do you make?
    [(amount) per (time unit / (successful) call)] -> 18.
    [no answer] -> 18.

18. Okay, I see. Do you get time off for going to the dentist?
    [yes] -> 19.
    [no] -> 19.

19. Is it important to have good teeth in your line of work?
    [yes] -> 20.
    [no] -> 20.

20. What brand toothpaste would you recommend?
    [...] -> 21.

21. Thank you for your answers. Can I have your phone number, so I can reach you if in case I need more information?
    [...] -> 22.

22. Alright, have a nice day.
    
    

If the telemarketer does not cooperate.

Sometimes it may occur that the telemarketer is unwilling to play along. You can use the scenarios below to continue your anti-script.

[Telemarketer does not want to answer a question]

- Why don't you want to answer the question?
[no time] -> B.
[other reason: ...]

B. When is a good time for me to call back?
[(date/time)]
Okay, have a nice day.