Preferred Phrases Provided by your Management

Written by Rolf

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

Preferred Phrase	Old Phrase
Perhaps I can work late	When the fuck did you expect me to do this?
I'm not certain this is feasible	No fucking way
Really?	You've got to be shitting me
Perhaps you should check with ...	Tell someone who gives a shit
Of course I'm concerned	Ask me if I give a shit
I wasn't involved in that project	Its not my fucking problem
That's interesting behavior	What the fuck?!
I'm not sure I can implement this	Fuck it, it won't work
I'll try to schedule that	Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
Are you sure this is a problem?	Who the fuck cares?
He's not familiar with the problem	He's got his head up his ass
Excuse me sir?	Eat shit and die motherfucker
So you weren't happy with it?	Kiss my ass
I'm a bit overloaded at this moment	Fuck it, I'm on salary
I don't think you understand	Are you retarded?
It's a challenge	Fuck this, it will never work
You want me to take care of that?	Who the hell died and made you boss?
I see	Blow me
Yes, we really should discuss it	Another fucking meeting?
I don't think this will be a problem	I really don't give a shit
He's somewhat insensitive	He's a fucking prick
She's an assertive go-getter	She's a ball busting bitch
I think you could use more training	You don't know what the fuck you're doing